This is not a story about something I’m super secretive about. I just don’t manifest. This is, let’s say, a gray area, and I’m super open about it. But the media space is the media space. When you enter the media space, it can affect your reality. And this is a commitment. Of course, the issue of openness will eventually come up for me if I become a media person. But since I work in communications, I want to make a strategy for entering the media space beforehand, rather than just taking a shot emotionally out of the blue. I am in Dnipro. Maybe I’ll be in Kharkiv. I am a military servant, but in a staff position. I’m in the creative sector, no matter how strange that sounds, the army does have a creative sector, some people who do this work. I’m a project manager in the advertising department. The posters of the 3rd Assault Brigade, the slogan “break into the 3rd Assault Brigade,” the phrase “everyone will fight” are all the product of the intellectual activity of a group of people, for each brigade, who do what the Ukrainian goverment doesn’t do: communicate mobilization and overcome the wall of fear that exists in the minds of those mobilized in relation to the army. It is commonly said that the army is scary and inhumane. In the media space, there are cases that are discussed and superimposed on the entire framework of the army. Although the army is a structure, it is a company with more than a million people. And since we have to fight for the media space, we also need to show good examples of what it can be like in the army. So we are fighting for this space. This is not the first place I’ve done this.

The army is guided by certain principles. And these principles mostly revolve around whether you are a serious person or a frivolous one. I respect you or I don’t respect you. It’s not about demonstrations, it’s about actions, it’s about communication with people. It means that the first priority is respect for you as a person, some kind of authority, and after that the question of who you sleep with, what religion you are, is secondary. You will not be reproached if there is a certain level of respect for you as a person who does something and works. It is not black and white. I have forgotten how to hide it. I’ve been doing it since I was 16. In the country, it’s okay to be gay. I work, but since I served in Kyiv, I went on dates, held hands with guys, kissed in the elevator, and everything was OK. Now I’ve been transferred to another brigade, not because of gayness or homophobia. There were just some issues there. And now I have a young guy in my brigade who acts as a press officer and he is openly gay. And everything is okay.

He doesn’t walk around with a rainbow flag, but he doesn’t hide it in his communication at all. And you know, wow. That’s the situation. And I look at him, he’s much younger. When people are younger, there is a level of courage. When I was younger… My whole family knew. I told my mom, but they had a little bit of a fight, obviously, a Greek Catholic family. They won’t welcome you with open arms. But it so happened that they saw that I am the only man in the family, it is a big responsibility, but I cope with it. I do, I work, I support the family as best I can. That’s why they treat me like this: you’re an okay person, there are no problems with you. But the thing is that they won’t have grandchildren. Well, maybe there will be, who knows. The army changes your thinking. You can now think of things you could not imagine, because you realize that you are involved in a great cause, in a great common cause.

You are making a sacrifice, and therefore this is your ticket to citizenship. You are fighting for a civil society in which you can speak clearly and loudly about your rights, and not feel insulted or humiliated because you are not coming from a position of weakness. It is hard for someone who has taken on some responsibility. Being in the army is very hard. There are many, many, many internal changes and fractures that take place. But you feel that you can make these changes. The society is amenable. You have a military environment, you learn its rules, you find your personal boundaries, you gain some authority. And then it gives you the opportunity to influence the way people think. On what kind of people make decisions. And this is actually a lot. It seems to me that we can learn from the army’s case what direction the state should take.

And how can you really be an active citizen and defend your rights when it’s not about demonstrations and protests, but actually about stable, systematic work on changes in the state apparatus, in structures, in laws. Step by step. With blood and sweat. And here is a recent story. I recently joined a new brigade, and I have this thing called “straight passing”. I don’t have to hide, I don’t have to hide my movements, the way I dress, the way I speak – something that accompanied me for a very long time, especially in my early years, in order to feel comfortable in society. No, now I feel very free, actually. But it’s a thing, telling my fellows that I’m gay. And for what? Sorry.

I’m so busy with a million other issues right now. I mean, really. About coming out and saying “mom, dad, I’m gay”. To do what? Yes, this is an important part of the social movement, when you show visibility. You go to Pride because it’s to be visible, because you live in this country. But I’m not interested in this story. I’m interested in having a law on civil partnerships in Ukraine. And that’s why this story is about how you have to be included in the structure, you have to have influence, you have to understand how the mechanisms work. You have to know people. And after that, you have to lobby the Verkhovna Rada (the unicameral parliament of Ukraine) for a bill on civil partnerships. Because I don’t know whether a rainbow flag on my balcony is MORE important to me THAN the fact that I CAN live in this house with my husband and think about my children. This is, for me, a slightly more adult and restrained structural approach to how to defend one’s rights.

I really “like” the story about legalization of medical cannabis in Ukraine. There were rallies in Ukraine where people came out with posters saying “hey, legalize, 4:20”. And what happened? After that, everything closed down, because these are unstructured people who came out once and gathered. That’s their entire capacity. And the legalization of medical cannabis happened because of a group of 3 people in the Verkhovna Rada who lobbied for this bill for a very long time to get the amendments through. There were, for example, attempts to sabotages. To prevent the law from being passed, 2 thousand amendments were demanded. Since this causes the bill to collapse, it was almost impossible to do. And yet people actually went through 2,000 amendments to pass this bill. And this is inspiring. This is how I see the fight for my rights. I have very good examples in Kyiv where I feel great. I don’t need to be in a gay club on Kyrylivska Street (in Kyiv) to feel free. I feel free in Podil, in the Kyiv city center.

I see people who share these views with me. And they are very left-wing people. Those who went to Maoist circles in 2016. And now these people, with whom we talked about the leftist discourse, are now in my brigade. Three people who were as radical left as possible. These people are now serving with me.

I am not afraid to show any emotions to a person, to be open. Because: a) I serve whatever you tell me to; b) I can hit back whatever you tell me to; c) I understand that these are purely defense mechanisms that still exist in my head, but in practice they do not exist, or not so much. About, for example, whether Galician (Ukrainian region) Greek Catholics are homophobic? Yes, they are. Do they need to know that guys and girls in Kharkiv, Kyiv, or Lviv hold hands in parks, kiss and live together, and have the right to come to the hospital when something happens to their partner? Yes. My question about anonymity is not that I’m a shy guy who is afraid to show my face. It’s more about accumulating resources and strength to act more gradually and pragmatically in this country. I stayed in it, I believed in it, in a good future. I see people who share these views with me. And they are very left-wing people. Those who went to Maoist circles in 2016. And now these people, with whom we talked about the leftist discourse, are now in my brigade.

Now a portal of pure energy of the revolutionary flow has opened in Ukraine. When it is so strong. There is an ancient drama going on: death is becoming commonplace. The possibility of dying tomorrow is always there.

Three people who were as radical left as possible. These people are now serving with me. Because they have come to the conclusion that only structure, systemic change, and inclusion are needed. Now a portal of pure energy of revolutionary flow has opened in Ukraine. When it is so strong. There is an ancient drama going on: death is becoming commonplace. The possibility of dying tomorrow is always there.

There is no gender in the army. You have a task.

I totally understand people who are in favor of rainbows. Because it’s about making some kind of victory, some kind of effort, and you’ve already done a lot. Accordingly, you get more courage. I respect people who enter social media. I’m just not ready for it now, to enter the social media space. I don’t feel that I have the strength. It works, it exists, it reminds that there are issues. This is a strong argument. A person who has declared that I am a military person and I am gay/lesbian, wow! What are you going to show them? Why aren’t you in the trench? But they are already in the trenches! And it works great because the media space is an agora. Like in ancient Greek cities, it’s the main square where you go out to discuss the life of the city, you raise a question. It’s about efficiency. It is there.

Now I don’t think that rainbow-colored are wrong, and trashy queers are cool. We are all united under one umbrella. You may hate Kyiv Pride, but they have an agreement with the police to protect Closer (a Kyiv night club) from the TCR (a body of the military administration of Ukraine that maintains military records and mobilizes the population) when they have a party there.

This is an institution that I have a lot of questions about. But it is an institution that is engaged in making people feel safe to celebrate their happy pride month to disco hits. That’s great. This is a matter of solidarity. I am Ukrainian, I am a military person, I am gay. I stand in solidarity with other Ukrainians who are included in the general national discourse. I stand in solidarity with every soldier because each of them is a brother, a sister, because each of them makes a huge effort to keep this country together. After that, I stand in solidarity with all the gays who have taken up arms, because it’s an extra level of courage. Because you are born with a lot of uncertainty, with a lot of fears… It was difficult for me to be in society. I was afraid. Because that guy looked at me wrong, some strange people came to me. And since the army, in six months, in a year, I’m like, “Wow, what was I afraid of?” I feel extra confident socially. I can even be perceived as a threatening person. There are people who sometimes look at me, patients, and are afraid of me, because my gait and posture have changed. 

This inner confidence that appears in you begins to manifest itself externally. And it can scare other people. And I don’t understand why they are scared. I’m not even in a military uniform. It’s not that I scare anyone on purpose. I just walk and feel confident. It doesn’t matter if it’s Kyiv, Dnipro, or some other city. I can drink matcha from a pink cup under a rainbow flag. So what? Now I don’t have these worries and fears anymore. This allows me to live life to the fullest. I feel that my contribution gives me the opportunity to feel confident. I had two options: to go to Berlin and hang out there, to prove myself, or to stay in Ukraine. But when you fight for this right, you fight for it, you feel the establishment of your right, it’s a very uplifting feeling. It is a feeling that you are doing the right thing. You are shaping this new reality that is emerging now.

And you become an integral part of it, and of the future that will happen. And this is an amazing feeling. I sometimes ask myself if my life could have been different if I had left in the first days of the war. Or if I hadn’t joined the army. I do not want to leave. If you want to change something, change it. Start doing it. If someone opens their mouth and says something homophobic, I don’t have to try to come up with an answer, I don’t have to come up with an argument. “Did you serve? No? Then go fuck yourself.” And that’s it. And if you served, then I served. That’s great. So why the fuck should you have more rights than me?

We are now at a moment when collective responsibility is not an empty word.

The nation is defined by civil society. The fact that we live in Ukraine, which has a legal framework. If you share it, you have to participate. No matter what happens.

Because the war came out of nowhere, the Ukrainian army was not prepared. It just happened. And a lot of people are dying. And cool people. It just sucks. And it’s hard. I explained my position on anonymity. I have ambitions, so I don’t want to start prematurely.