Does sexuality somehow get articulated in the army at an official level?

No, not at all. No one talks about it.

It’s just kept quiet?

Yes. This topic is not discussed at all. It’s like taboo. Even the LGBTQIA+ military organization is currently working to show that LGBTQIA+ individuals are in the army. There are actually many of them.

What annoys you?

Non-acceptance of the LGBTQIA+ community as ordinary, normal people. Somehow, everyone thinks that LGBTQIA+ people are special. No, I don’t like that. We work just like everyone else, we relax just like everyone else. And I have the impression that everyone thinks with the stereotypes of bad, second-rate American comedies, where gays are constantly flamboyant, always in multicolored boas, painted. Most people of the older generation see gays exactly like that. But everybody should accept that they are just people and deserve the same rights. That’s it. Back off from us and everything will be fine.

When I came out to my parents as gay, my mom said, “Well, but you act like a man.” How am I supposed to act? They think that if you’re gay, you should dye your hair, dress flamboyantly. And if you’re a lesbian, then you should be the opposite, a “tomboy”, “butch”. There are people like that. Not many, though. But mostly, it doesn’t work that way. In a crowd, you may not distinguish a gay person from a heterosexual. Everyone thinks that if you’re gay, you should wear a sign on your forehead. They say, God forbid, if they pass a civil partnership law, gays will go and have sex in the parks. Well, no! We don’t have that. Somehow, heterosexual men have this stereotype that if you’re gay, you want every man with a penis. “- Oh, you’re gay?” “- Yes.” “- So, do you want me?” Oh God, have you seen yourself in the mirror? I haven’t had that much to drink to start wanting you. I always respond to such guys, “- See that grandma over there? Do you want her? She’s a woman. Please.” That doesn’t work.

This allows people to understand that it’s normal to be gay—it’s okay. So, if you’re gay, you’re not hiding somewhere «I don’t want to join the army, I’m so delicate». No. Coming out is done deliberately to show that LGBTQIA+ are also on the front lines. They are an integral part of our country, our society.

How did you come out?

I was inspired by the examples of other guys in this (military) community. I understand that this will help us make a truly normal, adequate country. That is, we will all be equal. We show by doing so that we are truly equal, that we are no different. This allows people to understand that it’s normal to be gay—it’s okay. So, if you’re gay, you’re not hiding somewhere «I don’t want to join the army, I’m so delicate». No. Coming out is done deliberately to show that LGBTQIA+ are also on the front lines. They are an integral part of our country, our society. After an open letter to the Minister of Defense from LGBTQIA+ military personnel regarding the civil partnership law* (to show that we are open to dialogue, that we are in the army, and there are more of us than one might think), guys said that in some military units, surveys were conducted on how the military generally perceive the LGBTQIA+ community. Specifically in those units. The guys say that, unexpectedly, about 80% are tolerant and accepting in some units. In some parts where I know such surveys were conducted. Although I also know that there are cases, it seems, from Azov (a military brigade), where a guy was expelled after coming out. They forced him to change units.

A positive shift regarding LGBTQIA+ occurred just after the start of the full-scale invasion

I’m 31 years old. A positive shift (regarding LGBTQIA+ in Ukraine) occurred just after the start of the full-scale invasion. I see a lot of surveys now. People are more tolerant, not as categorical about LGBTQIA+ issues anymore. This is a significant shift. I’m from a small town. It’s very stereotypical. LGBTQIA+ is still a taboo subject there. “It’s a sickness, it needs to be treated, it needs to be eradicated.” In larger cities, it’s more about acceptance. I think that’s the best option when people say, “Okay, it exists, but it doesn’t concern me, I’m not interested, do what you want.” To smoothly pass the law on civil partnerships, people need to pay more attention to their issues rather than those of others. Because how is it happening now? People have a bunch of problems, and they don’t want to solve them. When you start dealing with your own problems, with yourself and your family, you won’t have time to look at what’s happening with the LGBTQIA+. Well, they got their civil partnerships, good. People are happy. I have my own problems, and I have my own life. People will start paying attention to their own lives. And everything will be great overall.

*At the state level, the law on registered partnerships in Ukraine has been under discussion since 2015. However, it was during the war that a plan of action for the implementation of the National Human Rights Strategy for 2021-2023 was agreed upon. As part of this, as of December 2023, the introduction of the institution of registered civil partnership, including for same-sex couples, has been approved.